Friday, April 30, 2010

The Barrier

The Barrier

“Are they being honest just to vent or are they being honest because they really care about you and the relationship?”
( Irene Boffo)

In most relationships, the time to say goodbye usually arrives at one point or another ... unless you intend to walk down the aisle, of course (and even then)... You've shared memories that will either make you laugh or cry, and it's time to take your experiences, put them in your back pocket and move on.. But somewhere on the road of parting ways couples feel the need to promise to stay friends, which ultimately leads to more broken promises..

So why can't ex-lovers remain friends? Why is it all or nothing?

Although it would make things much easier in the dating world, relationships rarely see mutual breakups.. One person is usually the heartbreaker, while the other mulls over the breakup and pain for weeks, even months.. It's never easy to break up with someone you've shared good times with (and even if they were bad times, they were still times )...

But the person who does the breaking up feels like less of a bad guy by offering that sense of truce.. "It's not you, it's me. We'll still be friends, right?" This peace offering of friendship provides the dumper with the solace of knowing they aren't such a horrible person because they still want to be friends with their ex..

As hard as two exes try to stay friends, they can never really confide in one another.. How do you tell your ex that you have a hot date tonight, or that you and your new lover are going away on a steamy getaway? You can't even tell your ex that the reason you're smiling so much is because someone has just pleasured you like never before..

Remaining friends seems to provide us with the security blanket that the person who has been in our life will still be there, and we can call on them every once in a while to find out how they are..but we'll never actually know how they really are..

Since breakups are rarely one-sided, one party will always feel resentment or bitterness towards the other person. Even if your ex is feigning friendship, she's not sincerely your friend; so if it seems like plans with your new potential woman are always being sabotaged, they just might be...And where there's bitterness, there's jealousy. And the truth of the matter is, it's hard to be sincerely happy for your ex when they've just found the new love of their life.

It's human nature to be jealous or resentful when our ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if we don't have feelings for them anymore... It almost becomes a race of who will find the new lover first, a challenge especially brought on by the person who was dumped.. Even for the person who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else taking your place in the memories that you and your ex shared is hard, and sometimes extremely painful to fathom.

Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and you don't want part of your past still programmed in your cell phone. Although it's easier for the dumper, recovering from a breakup is still a hard thing to do since it means being single again, getting back into the dating scene, and no longer making that daily goodnight call you and your ex used to share...It also might be a better idea to leave things with pleasant memories of the other person, rather than drag the potentially doomed relationship through the mud.

For me, it's all up to you...if you can stay being friend with your ex...then, you have to be ready won't be as easy as chewing takes a lot of courage and heartache to let everything passes by your ears and eyes while you try to convince yourself that everything's gonna be just fine, and that you don't mind at all... is like that...

To my lovely ex 'girlfriend' Nikon D40, I will always cherish our time together, I will never forget you as my first love. You are so special to me but I'm sorry, I have to look for a new 'girlfriend' now but don't worry we will still remain as a friend forever :)


SnoW whiTe said...

Breaking up is a lonely process. It happens when two hearts resist 2b together, or a soul has found a new other journey that requires goodbye to the other one. No matter how painful and difficult the process is, one has to face the reality that although the love is gone, the rooms for forgiveness is always there.

My ex never wants to keep in touch with me. I guess the memories we had kept hunting him till he couldnt gather the strenght to face the reality. Of course despite his grief, he is now happy with another girl. To me,the best way is to understand his condition because i believe he prefers to remain silent not because of the hatred feeling he has over me, but it is sort of a therapy to mend his broken heart.

I myself try to avoid being close friends with married/engaged guys because i believe in courtesy of a relationship. Even if i do,it is not based on honesty/sincerity but on the names of responsibility and forgiveness.

There are various ways 2cope with the stress of breaking ups but it's just the matter whether both you and your ex-es can accept it with an open heart. And if both have diffrnt therapy strategies, no wonder the issues/questions like "why he doesnt contact me?", "why she changes her hp number while i dont", "why he deleted me on FB while i'm okay with it", "why he didnt reveal her gf's name as if i wanna snatch him back" or "why does her new bf keeps her away from me while i never disturb the relationship" raised up.

However, most people seem to forget that human beings are wise. They are given these options by God and many of them are applying them all =)

Hey,Sorry for the long comment. Keep on writing. This is the entry in your blog that attracts me most! :p

Niezam said...

Thanks for your feedback and comment.Never mind,it is ok for you to give a long comment, really appreciate it :)
I'm totally agree with you, no matter how hard and painful the break up process of loving couple,there are always have an option for forgiveness.

© All images on this site are under the ownership & copyright of MOHAMAD NIZAM KASIM. No photograph may be reproduced, downloaded, copied, stored, manipulated, or used whole or in part of a derivative work, without the permission from the photographer. All Rights Reserved 2009.